Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Please, don't hate me.
One of my worst fears is having someone look me in the face and have no love towards me. This fear is so huge in my life, I have dreams about it. I dream I see someone and they are completely bitter towards me. I will search their face for some sign of love…happiness…truth, but I only see anger. This fear makes me a pushover in some ways. I will try to buy/earn a friend’s love. If someone does not love me or show they love me, I take it out on myself. I believe it is my fault. To fix it, I search for ways to make myself more lovable. I will try to make myself more beautiful, more outgoing, more…well, not me. When will I stop this silliness. I inflict pain on myself by caring SO much about what a person thinks of me. Why do I care? Why am I searching for love in all the wrong places? Why will I not go to the one source of true love…the only source?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Is it my place?
Today my mother came up stairs to talk to Rachel, Abby, and I. She told us how she felt about the whole "dad" situation. I am not going to get into the details, but let us just say it did not go well. I asked my mom if she really apologized to my dad for the faults she had made. "I am sorry for my mistakes, but you need to..," is NOT apologizing. That is exactly how she apologizes though. Is that right? I do not believe it is. I told her this and she responded saying I was just like my father. So this man she is talking so horribly about is me...
Was I really wrong here? Is it right to tell a person what they need to work on when apologizing for the things you have done wrong?
I am lost,
Emily
Was I really wrong here? Is it right to tell a person what they need to work on when apologizing for the things you have done wrong?
I am lost,
Emily
Monday, January 5, 2009
My Road Has Taken a Sharp Turn...
I do not even know where to start with this blog. I guess I should first say that God is amazing! He is the one and only amazing Savior. I just want to scream to the world of His wonderful love!
Last summer I went to a county fair with a few people. We were walking through all the buildings where businesses had their booths. We stopped at one booth for a local church. The man asked us if we knew where we were going. Everyone said heaven, as did I. I doubted it though. I was not really sure. Yes, I was a Christian, but was I good enough to go to heaven? Did I ask God into my heart the right way? These are silly questions, but at that time that was how I was feeling. For the first time in my life I know, without a doubt, where I am going. I know God is real. I know He is all I need.
My life has been pretty messed up for the past year or so. I am finally really starting to give my struggles to God and I can already see Him working in my life. I do not feel as bitter or jealous of others anymore. I am happy with my life. I am excited for my future. I am on fire to live for God!
I have not had a fire for God as strong as I do now. I have had a fire though and it has died. I do not want my fire for God to die again. I want to glorify Him in everything I do. Thinking of this reminds me of the song that goes..."oh Christ, be the center of our lives.." That's what I want. I want Jesus to be the center of my life.
I do not know God's plan for my life, but I know He has in under control. He has given me a wonderful opportunity to co-teach art to a homeschooling group I grew up in when I was little. He has given me a passion for art once more. I hope to bring glory to God with this new job and with my art skills.
God is good. =]
Em
Last summer I went to a county fair with a few people. We were walking through all the buildings where businesses had their booths. We stopped at one booth for a local church. The man asked us if we knew where we were going. Everyone said heaven, as did I. I doubted it though. I was not really sure. Yes, I was a Christian, but was I good enough to go to heaven? Did I ask God into my heart the right way? These are silly questions, but at that time that was how I was feeling. For the first time in my life I know, without a doubt, where I am going. I know God is real. I know He is all I need.
My life has been pretty messed up for the past year or so. I am finally really starting to give my struggles to God and I can already see Him working in my life. I do not feel as bitter or jealous of others anymore. I am happy with my life. I am excited for my future. I am on fire to live for God!
I have not had a fire for God as strong as I do now. I have had a fire though and it has died. I do not want my fire for God to die again. I want to glorify Him in everything I do. Thinking of this reminds me of the song that goes..."oh Christ, be the center of our lives.." That's what I want. I want Jesus to be the center of my life.
I do not know God's plan for my life, but I know He has in under control. He has given me a wonderful opportunity to co-teach art to a homeschooling group I grew up in when I was little. He has given me a passion for art once more. I hope to bring glory to God with this new job and with my art skills.
God is good. =]
Em
Friday, January 2, 2009
I Got Mail
A blog to all who sent me mail...
Today, after work, I decided to trudged through the snow to get the mail and go to the bank. It was not anything out the the ordinary. I stopped at the bank and put all my Christmas money in my savings account. When I got to the post office I opened our mail box and it was completely full! Not only was it full, but it was full of five letters to me! It was absolutely crazy. We also got a key in our box which means I got to open another box. In that box I found three packages! I did not look at who they were addressed to cause I assumed none of them were for me. To my surprise one of them was to me and one of the other ones had something in it to me. I walked home with a huge smile on my face. I just want to thank all the people who sent me mail. It made my day brighter.
=]ing BIG,
Em
Today, after work, I decided to trudged through the snow to get the mail and go to the bank. It was not anything out the the ordinary. I stopped at the bank and put all my Christmas money in my savings account. When I got to the post office I opened our mail box and it was completely full! Not only was it full, but it was full of five letters to me! It was absolutely crazy. We also got a key in our box which means I got to open another box. In that box I found three packages! I did not look at who they were addressed to cause I assumed none of them were for me. To my surprise one of them was to me and one of the other ones had something in it to me. I walked home with a huge smile on my face. I just want to thank all the people who sent me mail. It made my day brighter.
=]ing BIG,
Em
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