It's Christmas Eve and I am home alone. My sisters and mother are at my aunt's house in St. Paul. My father is in Alaska. I have been sick all day and no matter what I do I feel like crap. I feel sick to my stomach, I have a head ache, and I have a fever.
I have been home alone all time time, but for some reason tonight seems so much different. I feel alone! I feel like I have no one here for me. I texted my dad Merry Christmas today. He texted me back and asked me where I was. I told him I was home sick while the everyone else was out. Seconds later he called me. I did not pick up. He called again and again I ignored him. This time he left me a message. It sounded like he was crying.
You cannot even imagine how hard I am crying right now.
I love my dad. I miss him so much. He was always there for me when I was little. He said I was his buddy. I was his Emily. I was his best girl. Why did he have to leave me? This year I did not buy anything for him for Christmas. We did not get anything from him either. I love my dad. Why did I not send him anything for Christmas? Why am I letting this bitterness control me. I want to hug him and tell him how much I want him back home.
I have been holding so much bitterness in. I tell everyone how much I hate him, but really I miss him so much. I want my dad back. We would drive to Fleet Farm all the time and oh we would talk about everything on the way there. He knew me more than anyone else. He knew my true heart. He did not know the lie I was letting everyone else meet.
I want my daddy to come home. I want my daddy to come back to Jesus.
Home alone with a broken heart,
Em
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Emily,
My heart is breaking for you. I want to see you and give you a huge hug. I want to hold you close and never let you go. I can see the pain inside. I don't know what happened or what all the circumstances are, but I do know that you have a perfect Father who will never leave your side. He is holding you in His hands and He will never let you go.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8: 38-39)
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Cling to Jesus, Emily. He is your only hope. I love you.
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