This Time of Year

I hate break ups. My ex asked me to be his girlfriend on May 27th. I told him that if it was gonna be some stupid summer hook up, I wasn't interested. On September 5th he broke up with me. Today is November 21st...and I'm still not over him. Today it hit me hard. I watched Catch and Release and than I cried my eyes out. Now I am listening to break up songs. So far...it hasn't been the best day. I guess I questioned if our relationship was for the best, but I never imagined life without him. I miss him so much. He was my best friend for over five months. Good thing you people can't see me right now cause I am an absolute mess. I finally took everything that reminded me of him and put it away in a box. I wonder if he ever has one of these days cause it seems like I have them all the time. I bet he has moved on now and I don't blame him. Ever since we broke up our friendship has been crap. ='[ I can't just be friends with him. As hard as I try...I still end up yelling at him. For the most retarded reasons too! I don't mean to hurt him. Maybe he doesn't care though. Maybe he just wants me to get out of his life. I don't know. I don't know him anymore. Why did he let me fall in love with someone who wasn't even real? That boy I dated doesn't exist anymore. He is only in my memories now.