Alone

This Thanksgiving my sisters, mom. and I bundled up and drove to my Aunt's house in Minnesota. Usually her house is over flowing with family, but this year it was just us girls, Aunt Angie, and Grandma. Everyone else was doing something with their other families. It was fun, but sad at the same time. Why does everything have to change right when our Dad leaves? I am afraid of change. I don't want to grow up.

My sisters and I were all sitting in the living room. We were talking about the future. One of these days we will all be coming home for Thanksgiving. We will all have our own families and lives. It was fun to think about, but at the same time it was sad. I am afraid of change. I don't want to grow up.

Today Amanda, Rachel, Abby, Christine, and I went shopping. We went to Target in Lake Elmo which is near to where my ex lives. When I was walking around I thought I saw him and i freaked. When I realized it wasn't him I started thinking about what I would do if I saw him. As I walked down an aisle my eyes teared up. I wouldn't be able to hug him. I would be angry with him. He would be angry with me. We haven't ever seen each other when we weren't dating. Even when we first met, we knew we liked each other. I don't want to meet the ex I hate. I don't want to face the reality that we aren't dating...we aren't even friends...I don't even know him. I am afraid of change. I don't want to grow up.

My best friend, Becca, was asked out today. I am so excited for her. As soon as she gets home I am making her call me to tell me everything! It makes me sad to see her though. I see her happiness and think of last summer, when I was like her. I want her to be happy, but I am starting to feel like everyone is leaving me. My dad, my ex, now Becca. My friend Kelly also is getting close to her friend Sammy. Everyone seems to be leaving or finding someone else.

I am afraid of change. I don't want to grow up.

Emily